Untitled

She asked me to sit beside her, then she hugged me one-hand through my back. "I'm so happy and touched right now.. This is so beautiful."

I couldn't hold it anymore. The pain I piled up little to more each time the words "you will definitely do it" being labeled to me, ragging my intention, are now a mountain that blast. It was a cornucopia of happiness, sadness, jealousy, ambition, belief, solidarity, confidence, relief, compassion, a hurricane.

I cried, so hard and sudden, unstoppable, disentangling every phase of self-judgmental then sadness then relief then positive and repeat for hundreds. I couldn't believe what I just did, it felt so suffocating my neck and forcing. Hundreds of flashback episodes repeating inside my head, telling me how passionate I was, how selfless I was to take care of expectations.

Ah, what a time for (another) untitled self, also with happy plans to do next.

Friends came to hug me, which means to bring me more tears. We ended up crying together for no reason. Seeing each other's face was maybe the only reason why.

I couldn't stop my tears streaming down while trying to speak and laugh normal, so weird.

It wasn't the ultimate ending but why it felt like we were going to be separated forever?

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The Aloner and The Together

Surga Abu-Abu dan Cahaya Allah