Arsip.

Riuh. Panas. Pengap. Berjejalan puluhan kendaraan bermotor menunggu giliran haknya diberikan di belokan-belokan perempatan sempit pinggir kota. Diberikan oleh siapa? Peluit bersiul nyaring membelah deru mesin, disambut tangan kanan menjulur lurus menahan gerak kendaraan dari satu arah dan tangan kiri berayun-ayun kuat searah jarum jam kepada segerombolan mobil dari arah lainnya. Beberapa tangan menjulur keluar dari kaca sebelah kanan mobil, memberi gopek sebagai ganti keselamatan. Biarlah gopek saja, toh tiap hari lewat sini dua kali. Sebulan Si Bapak bisa dapat tiga puluh ribu. Kalau ratusan mobil lewat sini tiap hari, Si Bapak bisa beli gawai baru tiap bulan. Orang sini memanggilnya Pak Ogah, meskipun tidak pernah ogah-ogahan jadi pemimpin perempatan. Pemimpin perempatan yang menjaga ketertiban nyaris 24 jam sehari, karena pihak berwajib cuma bekerja 8 jam sehari minus terjebak macet. Yang lainnya, pengemudi, pejalan kaki, ojek pangkalan, pedagang pengkolan, dan anak jalanan, bagaika...

Been more than a year that I keep on hiding behind, literally, everything that I can see as shelter or coverage. It's like the secret will cause earthquake if spilled when the truth is it won't cause even a single movement of air. At some point, I feel like I could burst out because of this. I need someone to react to the secret. I keep talking to the air and myself in a quiet conservation, talking between the rain noises, talking to papers and then toss them away. At some point I feel like I want to be in a session of truth or dare game to be asked to tell the truth. Every time feels like not the right one. Every person feels like not the right listener. I feel so bad about this and it is a little weird that I'm hoping for a "bad" news as soon as possible so I can get over it. Please, pretty please, give me them bad news!! Thank you for reading my tedtalk everyone.