There is No Ideal

Argh, not today again. Things are a bit settled down now. The thing is, it's half an hour past midnight. How am I gonna do well for the exam when I start studying past midnight every day for a week?
I take the seat.
"Well, what is it again tonight?"
"It keeps happening. Seems like I lost my time all the time. They keep taking mine."
"Do you take my advice to devour every little piece of the in-betweens?"
"I just.. can't. I have this sort of understanding that I only can start studying and take care of my well-beings when everything's gone and settled down. Nighttime, the answer is. It's commonly quiet and not busy. I got little to no orders or expectations to fulfill."
"What is the correlation to my advice, then?"
"When it is not the time, I won't do any studying. Once I do, I have to have all eyes on the material without any disturbance."
"You're not taking my advice well, then, I guess."
"What are you trying to say?"
"Let's set my advice aside. What is it do you want? No disturbance? All eyes? Just you yourself, no one else? All perfect?"
"Yup."
"Then you ain't going nowhere with this standard."
I push myself to the back of the seat more but it's already the very back.
"Honey, nail this to your mind: In life, there is no ideal."
Those words resonance to every air particle around me. 
"You already willing to be like this person you are. Deal with it! Be presence in every goods and bads of your own, embrace, and walk the rocky path. I try my best to reduce saying don't but well now, don't wait for the path the clear up because it wont!"
I cackled at the bitter truth.
"Believe me, you have so many in-betweens than you could have imagine. That would be hours in total."
I try to remember and count them to fill the void.
"You know when the rocky path clears up?"
"When?"
"When you think so!"
I cackled again. "That's right! I'm alive and well, so that is ideal. Well, there's no ideal but that's the real ideal."
We both laugh out loud.
"You got it right and nothing's left! Now go study but don't cut off your melatonin production. You need your immunity to survive."
I high-five the mirror with a relieved smile.

Comments

Utari Madani Jayyidah said…
There is no ideal nor a guidebook to living a life. So just live your life in your own way 🌈
March 18, 2021 at 4:21 PM
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