2013

Kadang terpikir juga
Sanggupkah aku?
Sudah cukup dewasakah aku?

Ketika kucoba gapai tanganmu,
                       yang ada hanya hampa.
Tanganmu cuma halusinasi.

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Bill

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It's a big day, I bet this day is going to be tiring. The sun is still littly peeking through a row of windows, creating some dramatic diagonal light pillars. After we had breakfast, I head to the place where I will be owned by the next couple of hours: a big tall bookcase, covering the whole wall in one side of the living room. Mom is in charge of the kitchen and the fridge, dad is out there with the plants, big sis is with a mountain of laundry, and lil bro is surrounded by pets waste. The pets? Well, I hope they don't mess up. A bookcase might sounds pretty "meh" compared to the other tasks, but this particular bookcase is no joke. Everything is mixed here: books (of course), photo albums, tons of notebooks, old CDs, old cassettes, electronic devices (broken and not), rarely used kitchenware, stationeries, board games, toys from when we are babies, until stacks of old blankets and curtains. Complete chaos. My specialty is to deal with them until the bookcase is at ...
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Happy

I know you are happy, but how do you have the audacity to say that everything you like I will hate and when I tell you what I am thinking you told me to back off so I won't ruin your happiness? Is that a hypocrisy? Am I too sensitive myself but also inconsiderate?
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You don't act, right?

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It is already dark and crews are tidying up the set. She's just finishing a call when he approaches. "Can we have a little chat before you go home?" "Yes sure we can, but why?" *** Five years ago. People kept saying that it's not my fault, but it actually is. I left her, not once, not twice, but thrice. I loved her, so much that it kind of became an obsession. So afraid of losing her, I pulled her, hold her too hard she suffocated. She even constantly helped me get out of my shadows, embraced me, been transparent and honest with me. It was me who refused to be helped. When she left, it was actually me who left her. She even wished for my happiness soon. She even told me that she was sorry for not being the right person for me. And in all that, I was still drowned in my own shadows. I pushed her away just because I thought my so called love hurt her too much. We separated with wounds on her and selfishness on me.  That was the first time I left her. When she ...
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